Updated: May 5
While musing on what self love truly is, I discovered that it stems from trusting yourself. When I trust myself and agree with my thoughts, my day flies by with high productivity and excitement from task to task. When I am unsure of what I should be doing today or WANT to do one thing but SHOULD being do another, I get turned around with a scattered mind and need time in between tasks to regroup and plot a course forward. The day feels more like drudging through muck than joyful bliss jumping.
I have long stopped beating myself up for moments like this. One fine day in 2009, I became acutely aware of the nasty, degrading speech I was using towards myself. The pedestrian bridge I used to get to the subway which took me to a job I hated, was closed for construction. Three times I forgot it was closed and had to go around. I was perpetually late in those days so the extra 8 minutes it took to go around screwed up my already behind timing.
Then the thoughts came: ‘What the hell is wrong with you?! You’re gonna be late again! You can’t remember anything! You’re gonna get fired! You’re such an idiot! Now we’re gonna have a shitty time the whole day because you can’t get it together!"
I would never talk to ANYONE, friend or foe like that, so why was I talking to myself this way? That day, I decided it would stop. And little by little, over the course of years, it did. Never to return.
But that’s only half the story. Just because I wasn’t berating myself for “wrong choices” with “you should have done that better” statements, didn’t mean I was in total self love mode. There was also the issue of self trust. Could I trust myself to make the right choices? Which voice or impulse in my head was the right one? One voice is trying to keep me safe and secure but not growing. The other one thinks anything is possible. It’s Ego versus Possibility. I get it. But how does one decipher which one is which?
In choosing to work as a psychic counselor, trusting myself became a big factor. I would have strong insights into other people’s vibration, see what was happening with them so clearly, but when it came to myself… it was hit or miss. It actually got worse because any decision I made would be weighed through the lens of THE ONE WHO SHOULD KNOW. Well, I don’t have to tell you, that didn’t work at all. Talk about pressure! And that’s not where self trust or self love comes from.
In this conundrum, one sees that in order to trust yourself you have to love yourself and you can’t love yourself without trusting yourself. They go hand in hand. But just like a mother who has to trust the toddler won’t fall and hurt itself too badly, it takes some practice and leaps of faith.
The only way to build trust with another person is through consistency over time. Someone must prove to you that they will take the best course of action, to the best of their ability, at any given moment. Their word needs to line up with their actions and if they don’t, they should have an honest reason as to why. In other words, proof that their mind works with awareness is how trust is built. So can we apply this to ourself? The answer is YES.
Proof of trustworthiness starts with that leap of faith. Ya gotta take a chance. In order to do this with yourself, you have to be super mindful of the stats and facts.
”You said you were going to do this today. Did you?”
“You said you were gonna love this. Do you?”
“You said you would take care of yourself. Have you?”
If there is inconsistency here, trust won't grow. This doesn’t mean you become a machine of productivity and can’t be flexible or have self care days that you thought would be work days. In my line of work, I have to be very flexible to fit in last minute clients and life stuff that pops up unexpectedly while I renovate my home. Sometimes that means I wait days, weeks or longer for my original plan of action to come to fruition. But when you trust yourself, you KNOW you will get to it when you can. Then you don’t have mind spinning thoughts of worry and fear because someone is on top of it. YOU. The one you always have in your corner. That’s a place of powerful self love, self care AND self trust.
So how do you get to that kind of knowing?
Practice. Hah. It’s that simple. Diligent record keeping in mind or paper, to be able to tally the score. Do you have a To-Do List with nothing checked off or half of it checked off? At the end of the day, reflect on what you did and what you set out to do. Do they match more often than not? If not, why not? Sometimes planetary alignment or just people being people delays things beyond your control. You can have all the gusto in the world to accomplish a task, but no matter what you do, it ain’t happening baby. Sorry. Please try again later.
When you trust yourself to be aware of these things and act accordingly, then good decisions ensue. “Seems this isn’t working. Maybe I should try something else or call it a day because I see that I am spent.” This is self love and trusting that someone (you) will sense the vibe and do someone about it instead of beating against an endless wall with nothing to show for your efforts. This helps the ego relax. It doesn’t have to react to keep you safe because it knows YOU are in charge by paying attention. That’s all it wants; a Beta needs an Alpha to know all is well. You are the Alpha. Your ego is the Beta.
In conclusion, the best way to start loving and trusting yourself is to observe yourself, just like you would with a new person in your life. See where you are being kind and your own best friend and where you are torturing and berating yourself for no good reason. Watch without judgement. Simply observe. Then make conscious choices to mold your inner dialogue according to your highest good. Love yourself baby! It’s the way to live a happy life!